Late yesterday afternoon I finally got an opportunity to ride what is arguably THE fastest stock production motorcycle in the world right now, the venerable BMW S1000RR.  It is truly an unbelievable machine, but user friendly too, since it didn't dump my no talented, ham fist-ed self on the pavement.  More on that later.

I also got to flog the BMW 450X out here on the property.  I have to tell you, that bike is extremely capable off-road.  I always considered it a street bike with knobbies, but I was wrong.  It powers up hills with reckless abandon, and I chased deer through a low tree stand and only hit my head once. 

So there we are, me, my son Cooper, and my friend, Doc.  Coop's riding a TTR-250.  This thing has been around the block a few times.  It's the "loaner bike".  Beat up, missing some plastic, chain maybe a little loose, it always starts, eventually, and does everything you want it to do.  It's a little underpowered and a little overweight, but it does everything well and I like it.  One very reliable four stroke.

Today I am riding the BMW G450X.  I am a little intimidated when I swing a leg over it, because there's no key, kickstart, or choke lever.  It basically beats all reason to me when I try to figure out how to start it,  so I look around to make sure no one is watching, grab the clutch and thumb the starter button.  It starts immediately, freaking  magic I tell you!  It's ready to go, no revving, no killing it and restarting, just ready to rip, thanks to it's fuel injection.

Doc's riding a KTM 300 EXC that's had a little gearing work done to it.  He claims to have GPS'ed it at over 100MPH.  I believe him.  He used to have a 525 and sold it because the 300 was faster.  I can't imagine any other reason to get rid of a 525  than to have it's fender blown off by a two stroke half it's size, so it sounds like he's on to something.

We rode for a while on Doc's property, chasing some deer, doing some hill climbs, creek crossings, blasting through dense tree stands.  Then, the rear tire of the 450 seemed a little squishy.  ahhh, shit.  Flat tire.  I told Doc that his tire was flat and he told me to thrash it.  He didn't like that tire anyway.  I took off up his driveway with a flat tire on gravel and chip-seal, this thing was all over the place.  Now, his driveway literally scares me to death.  There is a rock wall on one side and an extreme drop off on the other.  Doc flies up and down the thing, while I look like Sally Fields on ice skates trying not to break my hip.  But nothing does more for your confidence than riding a flat tired dirt bike up a steep driveway with hairpins really fast.  I felt like a new man.

But alas, no tire fix for me. 

In the corner of the garage was Doc's wife's motorcycle.  A Honda CRF-150.  I felt like I was on an episode of "Top Gear".  No one wants to ride the girl's bike, but no one wants to stand around and watch other people ride either, so my 200 lbs of sweaty American flesh climbed on this thing and took off.  I actually had a lot of fun on it.  It wasn't much on the hill climbs, but it hauled me around pretty well for what it was.  Was that a sigh of relief or creaky suspension I heard when I got off of it?

Doc and I head back to the barn after he put Coop on the 300.  Cooper had a shit eating grin on his face and roared away on one wheel, never to be heard from again....

When we got back, Doc handed me the key to the S1000RR and says "I'll follow you on the 1200GS, we're gonna go to a station I know that sells that no-ethanol gas." 

He wanted me to ride the S1000!?  Holy shit!  I mean, at this point I hadn't even sat on the thing.  A fully dressed S1000RR goes for something like, what 25K?  I know the base model goes for 14K, which is still more than every motorcycle I currently own is worth, together.  I feel like just looking at it,  I might break something, so you can imagine my anxiety when he handed me the key and starts explaining how the traction control works.....

".....and you can totally lean it in a corner coming up the driveway and just pin it, while you have it on "rain", it compensates and you just can't spin it out.  I've tried.", he says.

WTF ever.

There's like four different settings.  Rain, slick, sport, and off.

"I don't know anyone with the balls to ride it on "off" yet."  says Doc.

Me either.

"All you gotta do is get on (interstate deleted here to protect the innocent, my family), downshift it to second, cause it'll do 60 easy in second, then pin the throttle and up shift. don't use the clutch, it's clutchless when you up shift under acceleration..."

That's pretty cool.

"....I'll be behind you watching your backside.  When the left lane opens up, go for it.  I'll meet you at the top of the mountain."

So we head down his driveway, which, as I mentioned before, I have some issues with.  I was getting used to it on the dirtbikes, but now I'm hunched over this beautiful sportbike and going so slow that my stock portfolio actually made money by the time I got to the bottom.

Doc was waiting patiently for me.  He took off, and so did I.  The bike responded to my cautious inputs by doing exactly what I wanted it to do, which was go forward at a reasonable rate of speed without looping over uncontrollably.  So far, so good.

We traveled some country back lanes and I increased my speed and lean angles at a considerable rate.  The bike just felt good.  It was light and easy to ride, and I actually found myself hanging off the bike a little here and there when given the chance. (I was reading Lee Parks Total Control  on the airplane) The brakes are a linked ABS system, and while never being a big fan of ABS on bikes, I am now.  The binders worked in perfect unison, and its just downright tough to lock them up with the traction control on.

We got our gas and took off up the slab.

Traffic parted like the Red Sea on bingo nite, and I got my first chance to twister, sister.

You remember that show  "Street Hawk"?  The guy would have to wait for his crew chief or whatever at home base to give him the go ahead, and then they would hit boost or whatever and then all of a sudden, WHOOOOSH, the streetlights and everything would begin to blur,  then the camera would show his helmet bobbing around as he hit like 300 mph.  I always felt like he was lucky no homeless people crossed the street with a shopping cart. 

I didn't shift it to second, I just downshifted and pinned it, and instantly broke the triple digit barrier.  I backed off around 132, and Doc caught up.

This time I downshifted to third, and pinned it again.  My God!  This thing hauls ass!  And it's got a shift light!  No clutch, just following the guidance of the shift light got me up to about 150-55.  I held that for about three seconds before backing off to about  120 and racing up the mountains.  The bike was solid and stable as I hung off the seat all the way to an agreed on exit, where we turned around and went back a tad closer to legal speed limit.  Did I mention that there was snow on the ground during all this?

I realize that this is not the most responsible way to ride a motorcycle, but damn dude, it's an S1000RR!  I'll probably never get that chance again, so I'm glad I made the most of it.

Doc was impressed when I told him how fast I'd gotten it up to.  He said I'd ridden it faster than him at that point.  I don't think I'll hold the record for long though.
When we got back, it was just getting dark, and here came Cooper out of the woods with a camera duct taped to his chest.  He filmed about thirty minutes of his riding around on the 300, and it's pretty good footage except for some spots where all you can see is the handlebars.  Not bad for his first try.  I'll try to get it posted up soon.

We drank some beer and talked about bikes until really late, and at one point Doc asked if I wanted to go to the Isle of Mann in June. 

I can't believe he had to ask.