......if, let's say, I drop a bible on my foot while a small child, whose Mother used Thalidomide during her pregnancy, punches me in my "Gentlemen's Parts"?

In today's day and age, you can spin something anyway you want, as long as you use the "PC" record player.  I'm not technically left wing or right wing, but I know right from wrong, and there are some things you just shouldn't say.  Labels that don't really need to be affixed, so to speak.  Here's one:

CROTCH ROCKET

WTF is that?  Why do we refer to these machines as crotch rockets?  They are motorcycles, people, just transportation, albeit extremely fast transportation.  I absolutely detest it when some sniveling squid refers to his bike as a "crotch rocket".  Other than the negative connotations involved with the term, it just sounds stupid.  I mean, really, there are two things in a man's dungarees that could be referred to as a "rocket", the penis, and the, uumm, exhaust.

Me: "Oh, you ride?  That's cool.  What kind of bike?"

Squid: "Shoooot, G!  I rides a Kawasaki Doo-Doo!"

How about:

NOS, pronounced "NAAZ"

Made famous by the intimately crappy sensation, "Fast and the Furious", people started screaming for NAAZ as soon as they left the cinema, headed for their 87 Civic hatchback with a fartcan on it.  I'm not hatin' on ricers, either.  These guys are gearheads from the word 移動します。.  (haha)  All kidding aside, they do what us old farts did when we had nothing to do but race around town in old jalopies with loud exhaust, and now we're doing what the old farts did when we did it.  I think.  I'm confused now.

Anyway, how about calling it "Nitrous", or just referring to your ride as being "on the bottle"?  That sounds much cooler, mostly because it wasn't in that dumb movie, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

OK, I seem to be running out of words I hate that are germane to this particular discussion, so I'm just going to point and shoot.

GERMANE

What's the G*&%#*N Germans go to do with it?

BANANA

Which is early Portugese for "Yellow Penis-like Thing".  I prefer "Nanner", which is short for, well, Banana.

NIGGARDLY

Hey!  Some of my best friends are niggardly!

You see my point?  Good, because I lost it somewhere around "bottle" and I need you to tell me exactly what I am talking about.

Ride Safe!